Hannah was my friend. I don’t remember meeting her. She was
just there. But I do remember the first
time I realized she was my friend.

I walked into the Harp and saw her behind the bar as she was
already working the daytime shift. She saw
me and made a ridiculously cartoonish manically excited expression. I laughed and said, ‘what’s with the face?’
she gave me a hug and replied, ‘I’m just happy to see you’

Hannah had the best hugs. She was soft and squishy and
hugging her was like hugging a marshmallow Teddy bear.

I only knew Hannah a few years, but together we explored all
the Mexican, coffee and burger joints Covent Garden had to offer. The last time
she was at my house was for Mexican food and Magic Mike Night with Liz. They
are both a good bit younger than me and I had a good time pausing the movie
every 5 minutes to explain the ways of the adult world to them. Hannah finally said, ‘ you must think I’m
just the silliest’ to which I said, ‘I think of you like my little sister’ her face visibly dropped as she said, ‘oh’ to
which I explained, ‘you don’t know my little sister. She’s my best friend.’ She
perked up considerably and gave me a squishy hug.

Hannah was always so open, so loving, so ready to jump in
and express herself through song. She didn’t hide what she was thinking or
feeling and wore her heart on her sleeve for all to see. People gravitated to
her. Everyone loved her and wanted to be
around her because being with her meant endless laughs and goofy smiles.

One of the last conversations I had with Hannah was through
text. I was trying to find out if she was going to a party because I wasn’t
sure if I wanted to go. She wasn’t going so I immediately started to think of
how I would back out of it but her last message to me was,

‘oh god you should
go!! You’ll have such a good time!’

We had seen a lot of changes in Hannah in her last year –the
best being her capacity to dive in and have the best time of her life –all the
time. She didn’t put things off. Let’s
go today –have an amazing time today. I came across her plan for 2015 quite by
chance when we were at her flat in February. It was a flow chart for happiness titled
something along the lines of ‘how to be happy’. It included eating healthy, exercising
more and spending more time with her friends. She didn’t have 12 months for
this resolution but I can safely say her goals for 2015 were achieved in 3.

She was an inspiration.
She had a calm polite professional manner behind the bar that I could
never achieve. And she had a love for life I admired but never fully realized.

I am always in the doorway of a decision deciding whether or not I’ll walk
through. I’d talked about leaving the Harp for years, and changing my hair,
taking a trip, making a change –never fully committing to making a decision.

Her final advice to me as I stand in a doorway is, ‘oh my god- go! You’ll have
such a good time!’

She was a beautiful example of life, love, joy, kindness and
most of all laughter. When I think of
Hannah I think of so many laughs that were had.
Life is too short to not embrace the opportunities and laughs and the
good times.

Less than a week before I got that call I cancelled some
plans we had made. I was feeling tired and lazy. She was disappointed but
replied, ‘never mind- to next week!’

we’ll never have that next week and I’ll never stop regretting not taking that
opportunity.

No more standing in doorways.

No more wasting time with decisions about whether or not to
live your life.

For me I’ll always have that memory of Hannah giving me a
push and saying,

‘Oh god –GO! You’ll have such an amazing time’